Almost two years ago, I was giving a presentation to a group about the messages that fill the heads of children and youth in foster care. You'd be surprised just how many mixed messages fed to our children in care. One day, we're saying "It's not your fault." The next day, we're sending the message "You were bad and need to move. You're too much for us to handle." Another day, we say "We know you can do it. You have potential and strengths." The next day, they hear "the odds are surely stacked against you and you'll really never be any better."
Can you imagine what that life must feel like? How in the world does anyone develop a healthy sense of self-identity, self-awareness, or self-confidence in a world that has them flip-flopping in a manner that would show up any of the world's most skilled politicians?
Now, consider that these same youth are adults. Consider the lenses through which they look at the world. On one hand, they may be saying "I am better and I will do better than (fill in the blank)." On the other hand, they see and hear messages of all the awful things a former foster care kid may do, or they see yet another news story about the downfalls of growing up poor, abused, neglected, exposed to drugs too early, etc. Its a constant barrage of negativity and yet, we want to see people do well in life, in spite of their circumstances.
I believe we need to do more to create a world of opportunity and encouragement and consistency for these young people. Just over the past few weeks, I have recognized how easy it is for my brothers & sisters from care to trap themselves in the box that says "victim". I see the feedback on social networking sites that says "I have a right to say what I think, to share my story, to tell you how awful my world was!"
What my brothers & sisters from care are forgetting is that we also have the right to scream at the world "Let me out!" We do not have to stay in that box forever. We can share out stories and we should tell people how awful life was for us, but we can also do it in a way that inspires others, that encourages others to step up and make a difference. We can be an example of the young person who truly overcomes their experience to find greater things on the other side. There is no reason that we have to be a perpetual victim. There is no reason that we should lay down and let our past experiences, no matter how awful they were, to completely overcome us and to take us down.
I know life is hard, and yes, we absolutely do struggle to find the high-points. We have to look a little harder, and maybe get stronger lenses to see those positive opportunities that come our way. Perhaps we need to double up our climbing ropes to get over those mountains in our lives and yes, we even need to admit that we need someone to spot us on our climb. We must support one another. We must build one another up. We must be an example not of the broken and sad little child, bruised and battered, but we can be an example of the person who healed from the physical bruises, brushed ourselves off and can now stand up tall, proud of the person we've become.
If, today, you needed someone to tell you that you're awesome. Here I am! You are awesome!!! You are a survivor simply because you are here to read this message. You are a survivor because you woke up another day. Even if you're still struggling to climb your mountain, you can absolutely do it. You do not have to wear that victim label forever!!! It is far too heavy a burden to carry, my family. Lay it down.
I mean it.
I want you to go grab a sheet of paper right now...go ahead, I'll wait.
Now, I want you to actually write the word "victim" on a piece of paper. Underline it.
Underneath that word, I want to write down all the ways that people have described you (negatively) over the years. Write down all the ways the world has told you that you'll struggle and fail. Write down all the messages you heard along your path to today that added obstacles in your life.
Go ahead...write them down...as hard as it may be...write them down.
Now, I want to you set that paper and pen down. Look at that list and say "This is not who I am. This is not who I have to be. This is not who I am meant to become."
Take that list and physically tear it to shreds. Get angry at that list!!!! IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!
Walk that list to the nearest dumpster, outdoor trash bin, or fireplace you see and get rid of it. You do not have to own that list any more! Those are things other people have laid upon your shoulders and you do not have to carry that burden anymore. Today, it can be gone.
Now, grab another sheet of paper...go ahead, I'll wait.
On this sheet of paper, write the word, in big bold letters "AWESOME" across the top. Underline it. Under this word, I want you to re-define who you are, who you can be, and who you want to become. Use strong, powerful, and successful words because that is the opportunity in front of you.
When you're finished, tape this sheet of paper to your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door - someplace you will see it every single day.
This is your new message box. Look for the chances to make your story one of overcoming adversity, overcoming struggle, and finding success, stability, and your inner awesomeness!!! Your story is just the first few chapters. When you share it, use it as the launching pad to a fantastic Oscar-worthy ending. You've hit the turning point in your story - today! You can choose another path.
Oh, and you won't be on that path alone. You have a family of THOUSANDS of people right there behind you. Don't let others tear you down and don't take the chances you'll see to tear others down. Be awesome. Its time to redefine yourself based on your new list...the AWESOME you that you are meant to be!
Its time to come out of the box, my brothers & sisters. We're here waiting for you. We're here to lift you up and to help you find the real you.
**originally posted January 21, 2014
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